My mother died today. Madalein Gericke was one of a kind. An incredible storyteller with a wicked sense of humor, she was a writer and artist who continued to create until close to the end.
Ma had many strange stories and sayings, and would sometimes dramatically call on the Oracle of Delphi. She taught me about “woman’s lib” and how to never take crap from anyone, including any man. She taught how me to drive, repeatedly yelling, “It’s just like your ABCs! Accelerator! Brake! Clutch!” and “FFS, whatever you are about to do, do it s-l-o-w-l-y!!!” Ma could swear like a sailor, party like a rock star, and played Squash with the boys until one broke her nose and cheekbone with a wild, offside backhand.
“Mind over matter, mind over matter,” was another one of her favorite sayings, a mantra that has always been a driving force in my own life.
After Ma had a debilitating stroke at the age of 40, she had to teach herself to walk and talk again. She has to teach herself to write, draw, and paint with her left hand, and she never played Rachmaninoff again. She walked a bit off-kilter, and as she aged, everything started to curl and tighten, her right hand becoming a claw.
She would often make jokes about her “handicap,”–treating it like a golf handicap–including the fact that even though she now predominately used her left hand, she did not trust this hand enough to put on her eyeliner, so she continued to draw kohl rings around her eyes with her right hand, which she now, under any other circumstances, called “El Stupido”… This using the “dumb hand” to draw around her eyes is somehow one of the most “mind over matter” things I can fathom.
Ma was a practical jokester, with a bit of a mean streak. Once, in Mafikeng, she took a joint bone from an off-cut of meat and pretended her eye had fallen out, running through the house with one eye covered with the “eyeball” joint bone on the palm of her other hand, yelling, “My eye fell out, oh my God, my eye fell out!” My sister almost fainted. Another time, when I was complaining about a sore finger–likely from an impossible amount of sports–she told me to put it on the table “so I can fix it for you.” Being the entirely trusting daughter I was, I laid it on the corner of the table after which Ma promptly and unabashedly thumped my finger hard with her flat hand and said, “There! I fixed it for you.” This became a standing joke in our family… whenever anyone complained about anything, the rest of the family would yell: “PUT IT ON THE TABLE,” we’d chant, “AND I’LL FIX IT FOR YOU!”
As a diplomat’s wife, she was an accomplished host, cook, and entertainer. She fondly told stories of attending art school in New York in the 70s, how she once lost me in Bloomingdales, how she gave my sister, still a toddler, red wine in France because it was so cold it was the only thing she could think to warm her. In Stockholm, she wrote the local International Women’s Club’s newsletter, taking pride in cutting out the articles and doing the layout deep into the night until it was just right. She was an award-winning radio drama playwright. In Mafikeng, she ran her own after-school art school on the stoep out back, where she would make the students identify the big forms and shapes–“always see the Big Picture first!”–before drawing what we saw. She would meticulously plan each still life, picking the bowls, the fruits, the tea cups, the table clothes, even where in the space she would stage everything for optimal lighting.
She took us to so many bookstores, libraries, and museums, and she taught me to look at the world first BIG PICTURE, then in great detail, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
She also had an uncanny knack for doing math in her head, meaning that she could calculate an exchange rate in any country we were visiting faster than the merchants with their calculators.
Ma worked for the Minister of Foreign Affairs as a press liaison in the 80s, sometimes flying to secret locations on secret missions. Pik Botha was on speed dial. I remember her sitting on the stool in the inside garden of the house in Colbyn, lighting cigarettes, throwing her head back, laughing on the phone. But also, always, a heightened sense of stress when the phone rang at strange times. It never bode well. Ma also reviewed and helped draft all Pa’s speeches and important letters. She was his true partner and confidante until that fateful night when her “terrible headache” was much more than a “terrible headache.”
After her stroke, she would tell us favorably of her near death experience, of seeing a tunnel and being called to God. I hope she had the same experience today.
Ma died with Pa by her side, with my sister Lizette and her husband Louis Cloete there. Lizette made sure I could speak to her to say goodbye as well. I don’t know if she heard me, but I do know she knew I loved her and I am grateful I got a last chance to tell her so. Update, my sister told be afterwards that one of her friends was there with them all and held Ma’s feet at the end. I don’t know why, but I find this so reassuring. I want someone holding my feet when I die!
R.I.P. Madalein Gericke. You were the best mommy I ever had.
Thank you to the outpouring of condolences. Decent people know you extend your sympathies always.
Our predictions for next Tuesday, November 5th when the next presidential election takes place? Tune in to hear!
The biggest difference YOU can make on 11/5? VOTE DOWN TICKET for ALL the Republicans. There is typically a 30-40% drop off between the president at the top of the ticket and lower offices. If YOU vote RED all the way down, we can “Keep NH Awesome!”
We know the drill: If you fall, pick yourself back up! And I did. Can’t decide what’s more bruised, my leg or my ego?
Yeah, I know it looks like the mug shot of a meth-headed hooker who got caught with a dime bag by her regular cop who needed to make quota, but it was the best I could muster at the gym this morning. 
Face pull: 20×13; 30x12x2
Cable scapula dumbell raise: 5x12x2; 5x6x1
Low row: 70x12x3
Lat pull down: 70x12x2; 70×5
Cable chin up: 55x12x3
Stretches
I turn 52 today! As I sit in the Acapulco Airport waiting for my flight back to the Free State, I’m thinking about, well, the screaming brat yelling I WANT TO GO PEE-PEE, but as I channel my inner calm here lol, I’m thinking about how fortunate I am.
I have an amazing, loving husband, Louis Calitz. I have incredible friends who adore me. I have a high-energy dog, Obi, who keeps me fit, and my imaginary backyard dinosaurs have started laying again. I cherish the house we bought that we’re slowly renovating, the place that gave me the roots I needed to heal.
I choose to live in the world’s only libertarian homeland, in a community thousands and thousands strong, who have my back and I have theirs. Live free and thrive!
I am grateful for my life and everything I have accomplished to date. But I also yearn for more… More travel, more adventure, more discovery of myself and the world at this unique time in history.
I seek more success as a writer, artist, and teacher.
This Anarchapulco reminded me I need to keep pushing myself to new heights, in uncomfortable directions, and never give up on becoming my true self.
This starts with integrity to self, making sure your thoughts and actions are aligned. It means having hard conversations. Acknowledging faults and figuring out how to do better next time. Celebrating successes and striving for more!
I am proud of the woman I have become. I can’t wait to see what I do in the next 52 years!
Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I love you all! 
Thanks to Chris Lopez for the picture from last night at our monthly New Movers Party. The reason I’m sharing–besides the obvious WHY AREN’T YOU HERE in our Libertarian Homeland YET?–is because one of the things I’m working on physically this year is better posture, which I did manage here but only because I saw Chris take out the camera.
Why does good posture matter? Your body, and thus your mind, feel more confident.
The benefits of standing straight (and sitting <— this is the hard one for me!):
- More energy
- Better breathing
- Less frequent headaches
- Reduced risk of injury because your core is constantly engaged
- Greater self-esteem
- Look better in photos which boosts your mood
I also find being aware of my posture helps to ground me in “the now” by placing my awareness in my body and forcing me to make the necessary adjustments. If you see me slouching, let me know!
Back in 2017, I broke three long-term bad habits. Ones that I had for decades and decades. At the time, I did not set out to make these changes permanent, in fact, I probably thought I was going to fail. Now, at the start of 2023, I look at my original post on Facebook, and I’m so grateful I chose to sustain the choices I made then. (Read about my transformation.)
I am:
Grateful I have kept these unfulfilling habits and addictions from my life.
Grateful I developed new habits that serve the “ME I WANT TO BE”.
Grateful I choose to do my daily routines of journaling and mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation in order to sustain my choices.
Remember, all habits are–good or bad–is how you are spending you time. Which means, if you want to implement changes that are going to stick, you need to honestly analyze how you are spending your time.
As we head into another New Year, I want to inspire you to trust yourself enough to take the steps to change those things that are not serving you, not serving your short and long-term goals, those that are not helping YOU be the greatest YOU you can be!
It starts with knowing what your bad habits are, and knowing you can change whatever you want, because it is within YOUR CONTROL.
Habit #1: I had this one for 45 years.
Habit #2: 15 years.
Habit #3: 30 years.
Habit #1: Nail biting
As long as I could remember, I’d bitten my nails. My mother used to, but stopped in her late twenties. My sister, Lizette, did as well. Remember: kids mimic the habits of their parents, good and bad (ask me where my drinking habits developed). Back in 2017, I wrote: “I still don’t like the sensation of long nails, and will continue to keep mine short(ish), but this will be because I manicure them that way, not because I am mindlessly gnawing on my fingers like a crazy cannibal.”
This is still true today, but I have learned a couple of new things:
1. I love getting mani/pedis now, and often “reward” myself with this–which is a Big Deal because it took me almost fifty years to learn to reward myself with things that are actually good for me or at least not actively bad for me (like alcohol). This one might seem obvious, but genuinely… when you analyze your personal rewards system, it is very telling. Pay attention when you think or say the words “I need” or “I deserve” X. Is that X objectively healthy or unhealthy for you?
2. I often inspect my nails and feel a jolt of joy every time–the reverse of the subconscious shame I felt my whole life when I looked at my hands. My brain is now rewired to appreciate the positive change I made. It’s obviously super helpful that this reminder is physically attached to me and unavoidable, but I recommend finding a talisman like this for yourself. One that gives you joy for something you chose to do that makes your life better. For example, I like to wear rings now, which I never did before because I was ashamed of the way my hands looked. Now I rock my great-grandma’s rocks!
Habit #2: Nicotine gum
I was addicted to nicotine gum for fifteen years. Holy jaw-smack! I first starting smoking when I was 16. Both my parents smoked too (ahem) and quit in their forties. I quit for the first time when I was 21, and didn’t smoke again until I was 30. After that, it was mostly social, on again, off again–only at events, never habitually at home, but sometimes, on Big Binge-y weekends. I finally quit cigs on Thanksgiving Day 2016. But I continued to ignore my non-stop, chow-down relationship with nicotine gum, which finally ended in 2017.
But, since I’m not perfect and neither are you, full disclosure: I am still addicted to chewing gum, but at least it is sugar- and aspartame-free! Chewing gum doesn’t seem like the worst addiction to have but the compulsion of it bothers me. I definitely behave like an addict: I’m aware of where my gum is at all times, I worry when the Amazon delivery is late, I notice when the flavor is slightly “off,” etc. Not to go full Freud 101 on my ass, but seems, between the nail-biting and gum-chewing, I might have some sort of “oral fixation” I need to figure out (yes, it is true, Mommy did not breast-feed me; am I cured now? lol). That said, I suspect if the constant jaw-moving stops, some body-rocking might start… I don’t know… I just feel more “normal” when something is constantly moving…
Habit #3: Daily drinking
In 2017, I said: “You have never seen me show up without a box of vino under my arm. My Facebook feed is filled with people making ‘wine ‘o clock’ and drunk jokes at my expense. This surprised me at first, because it certainly wasn’t the way I perceived myself, but it was very telling that others did. I started to examine the role alcohol was playing in my life, read books highlighting how alcohol (ethanol) is a neurotoxin and depressant. I want to live a long and healthy life (forever, bitches!) and I have a ton of important things I want to accomplish. My habit was hindering me and my goals, so know what? I kicked it to the curb! I don’t feel comfortable (yet?) making definite statements like ‘I’ll never drink again,’ but for now, booze and I are taking a much deserved break…”
I drank my last drink on Boxing Day 2017 and now, at the start of 2023, I am willing to say: I will never drink alcohol again.
Alcohol is a neurotoxin that rots your brain. Alcohol is a depressant that causes anxiety. If you are suffering from either of these symptoms, and you are self-medicating with booze… you are literally using the substance that IS CAUSING THE PROBLEM. FFS, stop! You can read more about my journey to alcohol-free living HERE, HERE, and here are 7 REASONS TO QUIT if you need a primer to get started in the New Year. YOU CAN DO IT!
Nervous habits are the result of underlying root causes…
What do all these habits have in common? Other than my parents, who I am not dissing; they did the most important parts of parenting right: Loving us unconditionally, teaching us to think critically, and encouraging us to be the best people we can.
All these compulsions are arguably “nervous habits.” Am I a naturally nervous person? Maaaaybe. I know I am shyer and more introverted than people think, but maybe that is the case for all of us? That saying “Fake It Till You Make It” has been a personal mantra for a long time, but I’ve grown tired of that outlook.
As I discovered back in 2017, I didn’t want to “fake it” anymore, for one, YOU CAN’T FAKE SKILLS. Also, I wanted to know who I am, discover what I love about myself, and what works, but equally, what I didn’t like, and figure out how to change.
I am still learning, but here is the one thing I do know now that people told me for years and years that I never believed and never did (especially us “people pleasers”) but I now live by: It’s okay, indeed, it is healthy to put yourself first. Do it, and soar!
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